Full Circle

Hi Sweet Girl

What a summer it has been!  We have lived in a little bubble of play time.  No alarms clocks have been set, no need for anything besides gym shorts and t-shirts, no where to be except with each other.  I am so sad to see it end, but I love watching you grow and I cannot wait to see you experience the different seasons and all the new adventures we will take.  We will get use to our new schedule.   I will start to set an alarm.  We won't get to be the three amigos all the time but we will cherish it when we do.

On Wednesday, we drove to Albany for our first post placement report.  During the car ride you took a nice nap on the way down which gave me time to do a lot of reflecting.  As we drove we were treated to picture perfect views the whole way.  I started thinking about how well you were doing and how great you had adjusted just in these two quick months.  First you were napping during regularly scheduled nap time even though we weren't in at home.  When you were awake you were happy just to smile at me as I made funny faces and even content to watch out the window and see the trees pass by.  I am so excited to see what you think of fall leaves.  These were things that were out of the questions on our first big road trip (to see Grandma Janet) and consequently why we had chose to stay local until we had to travel.  The little lady traveling with us now was so happy (you were always happy just not in the car), calm, and just excited to be sitting with mom in the back seat while dad sang funny songs from the front.

We had packed the car the night before and had hoped we had prepared for everything.  We had extra outfits (you didn't need them), lunch and snacks for you, the stroller, the be be prince, the pack and play, old toys, new toys, the regular needs of diapers, wipes and wash clothes.  Our meeting was at 12:30 but your daddy always makes sure we are early for important things.  I had started to feed you in the car right before noon and realized we had not packed anything for the adults to eat.  Not a problem, Clifton Park has one of everything.  So as your dad ran in to get us bagels I got you ready in your pretty outfit.  As we were turning out of one of the many plazas of lovely CP we pulled up the light facing us to Chipolte.  All of the sudden my brain flashed back, two years ago on the same day we had gone to lunch at Chipolte after our very first home study meeting.  I hadn't put the dates together or honestly thought about it at all.  But like a flash I could remember exactly what I wore (white linen pants, silk top, and heels) because in my brain wearing a pretty outfit would make sure that we would be approved.  I remember being so nervous, your dad being so calm and as always saying the sweetest things about how our life would be.  We had no idea the adventures, trying times and moments of pure joy we would have in the next two years.  We had no idea what our life would be.

The adoption journey was quite a roller coaster that I would gladly sign up for again for you.  You make us smile everyday.  I remember watching so many videos and reading so many people finish their journey saying "Now our real journey begins".  I wish I could say it was a switch for me but like everything it took me time to process.  I and your dad had spent so much time wishing you home, I was still following the same steps.  Even if we had just gotten you to sleep at two am, I would wake in a start with a need to check my email (like we did before you arrived).  I had to tell myself your baby is in the next room,  no one can be emailing you anything more important.  She is home.  I felt I needed to read updates to see when people had been cleared to see how the timeline was changing.  Again I had to remind myself it didn't matter anymore for me.  I would smile, shut the computer and kiss you because you were obsessed with touching the computer.  As the days go on and you started sleeping though the night, so did we.  We became more comfortable with you as you became comfortable with us.  I remember this fourth of July praying you would be asleep when you returned from your 9pm bjorn walk with your daddy and another mom saying how they had gone to great fourth of July picnic.  I could not process how she had gone to a party with a baby and seemed to enjoy it as well.  Going to a party, going to the store no longer seems the overwhelming task of packing and making sure we have everything, it just seems our normal day.

As I rode with you in the car I started to think about our first week together.  Sadly most of it is a blur of diapers, bottles and rocking you in our tiny little room hoping you might sleep for more than two hours at a time.  (Again I am so amazed by you how far you have come in such a short time)
I do have some very distinct memories of that week I wanted to share with you.

We arrived to the guest house and we were prepared for them to say, "Please sit, relax we will go see the baby later today."  Just kidding after being there ten minutes we were asked, "You get baby now?"  Who says no to that, NO ONE!  I remember having the frame of mind to take a picture of the gate opening, asking T (our driver) if he would take pictures and turning around and there you were!!!  You were wrapped in a blanket and as always doing your best to get your hands free.  You looked up at us trying to decide if you knew us and then smiled.  Melt my heart.  We sat down to play and figured we would be here for a while.  Then ten minutes later T came in to have us sign over custody.  Now completely focused on you, we did not get pictures of this.   Then in to the car and back to the house.

We carried you upstairs to our room, and because no one had received the message we were coming, they were just finishing making the bed.  I remember lying down on the bed and your dad placed you in the middle and we just stared at you.  Trying to get our brains to understand the magnitude of this moment.  I tried and failed to hold my phone up and take an over head shot of us just staring at you.  After several bad attempts I gave up and just let myself absorb this moment.  Around us people came in trying to assemble the crib, bring us towels and bring our bags up; but it felt as if it was just the three of us.  It was a moment I will never forget.

Later in the week you were trying to explain to us that you were not a fan of sleeping especially not in your crib.    Starting somewhere in the three o'clock hour of the morning your dad was trying to help you to get to sleep.  He had fixed the diaper, fed you and was rocking you.  You would fall asleep and be asleep in his arms and the moment your head touched the pillow your eyes would open wide and you would cry so loud.  As soon as your dad picked you up you would stop crying.  Your dad repeated this process four times.  He is so patient, after round four I offered to switch since he had been sitting in a dinning room chair next to the crib since three.  I was not as agile and stayed in bed to rock you.  Also not as daring I was not going to move you once you had fallen asleep I wrapped my arms around you and that is where you slept for the next three hours.  They are right when they say it is a love like no other.  Your dad and I love you so much and will do anything we can for you.

With our three month post placement interview done I think it is time to end the adoption journey book.
It is time to start a new book called family of three!

Yeabsira you are our sunshine!
You bring us so much joy!
We love you!!
Love Mom and Dad